relationships

Relationships are a funny thing. Every relationship changes you in some way if you want to admit it or not. Not just after the relationship is through, but throughout the relationship people keep changing. Although these changes are different for every person and every relationship, there are some universal hurdles people must cross.

The first hurdle comes early on in the relationship. At this stage of a relationship you are two things. Primarily an actor/actress, and anyone who denies this is kidding themselves. Pre-relationship and early on, you feel the need to impress the person you are with to some degree, so you turn down the crazy, and play it cool. There is also the giddy, gushy personality that pops out, you spend most of your time thinking about the person you are infatuated with (at this point it can only be called infatuation realistically) and feel the incessant need to talk about and spend time with him/her. Here you face a hurdle, you don't want to be that person that is always talking about their new love interest to the point wear your friends want to gouge their eyes out, at the same time everything seems to remind you of him/her. Moreover, the overwhelming desire to hangout with him/her leads you to become a flake. Your friends become displeased, but you feel they should understand and plead that you don't mean any harm. Well, for someone who has been in the situation, and been the displeased friend, it's a tough thing to justify. Time management skills are crucial at this stage.

As the relationship progresses, both of you start becoming more real, and the urge to spend every waking moment together fades away (the two events need not be related to one another). At this point you feel the need to start bringing the person in your life close to your other friends. This is crucial for the relationship, and sometimes it leads to readjustments in your friends circle. Just because you love your friends your boyfriend/girlfriend may not. This is a reality you are going to have to accept at times and work around. If your friend doesn't like your boyfriend or girlfriend at this stage, it is no reason to get defensive and tell your friend to fuck off. You have to think about the reason behind why your friend would think that and evaluate the situation. Your boyfriend/girlfriend and friends are not obligated to hangout with each other on a regular basis, so if it's an uncomfortable situation, it's best to save those awkward moments for events where people have to suck it up, like your birthday. It's important to realize that girls nights and boys nights are really important to maintain sanity in a relationship.

Further into a relationship, things start getting more serious (I'm talking post "i love you" phase) and you start to evaluate what you mean to each other. Throughout this process sometimes there are disagreements and arguments. Sometimes things that would not have seemed to be a big deal earlier on, become a big deal, also known as blowing things out of proportion. At this point, you go to your friends for advice. It is a good idea to think about who you go to for relationship advice before you start blabbing. It's not a good idea to go talk to a friend who is single, commitmentphobe, and opinionated sometimes without logic, about your issues. You have to go to a friend who is levelheaded and honest. Another thing, walking into a relationship with rules about what is acceptable and what is not is just setting yourself up for heartache. Regardless of whatever standards or rules you make, you break some at this point of the relationship. A friend that is honest with you, will most often tell you things you do not want to hear. Do not make this friend mortal enemy number one, but think about what they are saying. Yes at the end of the day you are the one in the relationship so you call the shots, remember your friends don't. Your friend's role is to be honest and accepting of what you chose to do, and to be there to support you without saying the three words we all hate to hear "I told you so".

Healthy relationships are amazing, they make you feel secure and you are able to focus your energy on things outside of your relationship. A bad relationship is like an herpes, you have an outbreak, you treat it, and it comes back over and over again. A bad relationship can damage you for a while, but no damage is permanent, time will heal as the cliche says. Everyone has different ways of moving on and moving forward. It is crucial to realize you carry baggage as you do, and sometimes the way you react to certain things are due to your baggage and not the new person. You also have to realize that the person you are hitting the refresh button with probably has baggage of their own. Life is funny, we go meandering about our business and in the process we look for companionship. Companionship is such a crucial part of our lives we go to hell and back at times to attain it.

Anywho these are all the thoughts that zoomed through my head as i was listening to fiest and showered tonight. It's bedtime, so until next time xoxo

alright shivz you tagged me but I'm not doing this on fb for the world to see, so here you are love :)

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my face
2. What colour is your favorite hoodie? dark blue
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? of course
4. Do you plan outfits? no
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tired but content
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red? my hoodie
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having: i had a dream that the stupid cd stuck in my lap top finally came out of the disc drive, i was really happy.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? no
9. What are you craving right now? nothing really
10. Do you floss daily? i try to...
11.What comes to mind when I say cabbage? ew
12. Are you emotional? at times
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? no
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick? lick
15. Do you like your hair? for the most part
16. Do you like yourself? yes
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? if he paid, sure :)
18. What are you listening to right now? we belong to the music-timbs and miley c
19. Are your parents strict? yep
20. Would you go sky diving? no
21. Do you like cottage cheese? not particularly
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? no :(
23. Do you rent movies often? no
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? yes! a scarf i have
25. How many countries have you visited? 6
26. Have you made a prank phone call? of course
27. Ever been on a train? yes
28. Brown or white eggs? whatever 
29.Do you have a cell/mobile phone? yes
30. Do you use chopsticks? when i eat sushi 
31. Do you own a gun? no
32. Can you use chopsticks? sure thing
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? myself
34. Are you too forgiving? yeah probably
35. Ever been in love? yes
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? um going to classes/studyig
37. Ever have cream puffs? no
38. Last time you cried? uhhh...i can't remember
39. What was the last question you asked? how was your weekend?
40. Favorite time of the year? fall
41. Do you have any tattoos? nope
42. Are you sarcastic? not at all...
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? yes
44. Ever walked into a wall? sadly yes
45. Favorite color? pink
46. Have you ever slapped someone? not seriously
47. Is your hair curly? more so wavy than curly
48. What was the last CD you bought? maroon 5 songs about jane
49. Do looks matter? to a certain extent yes
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? probably not
51. Is your phone bill sky high? not anymore
52. Do you like your life right now? sure
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? no
54. Can you handle the truth? lol...this reminds me of that movie..yeah i prefer the truth
55. Do you have good vision? god no
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? no
57. How often do you talk on the phone? daily
58. The last person you held hands with? :)
59. What are you wearing? shorts and a tank top
60.What is your favorite animal? penguins
61. Where was your default picture taken at? on fb at madhattters
62. Can you hula hoop? ooo i used to be able to..probz not anymore
63. Do you have a job? yes
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? a diet pepsi
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? i think i have..i can't remember when though

SAY EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND & DON'T CHANGE IT.
1. You & your ex - are good friends
2. I am listening to - dirty by christina aggs
3. Maybe I should - go to bed soon
4. I love - dancing
5. I don't understand - achem
6. I have lost my respect for - wisco basketball
7. I last ate -a couple hours ago
8. The meaning of my display name is - my  name

IS YOUR/ARE YOU:
1. Is your hair wet? no
2. Is your cell phone right by you? yeah
3. Do you miss someone? no
4. Are you wearing chap stick? no
5. Are you tired? yes
6. Are you wearing PJ's? yeah
7. Are you mad? no
8. Are you upset? no

HAVE YOU:
1. Recently done anything you regret? no
2. Ever lied? yes
3. Ever kicked someone? not violently
4. Ever tripped over your own feet? all the time.

TODAY HAVE YOU:
1. Have you cursed? probably
2. Have you gotten mad at someone? not seriously

RANDOM.
Q: Is there someone on your mind right now?
A: sure


Q: Do you want children?
A: eventually

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: no

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: not particularly

Q: What color shirt are you wearing right now?
A: blue

Q: What were you doing at 7pm yesterday?
A: taking a break from achem

Q: You can't wait until?
A: spring break!

Q: What would you rather be called?
A: my name is fine

Q. Are you one of those kids that cut their hair by themselves when they were younger?
A. god no

Q. What do you think when you see someone trip, and then try and play it off?
A. i think dude i'd do the same thing...

Q. Are you the kind of person who wears GIANT hoop earings?
A. nope

Q. Would you rather work a boring job, or a fast pace exhausting one?
A. fast pace exhausting one for sure!

Q. Interested in manga? [Japanese "comic books"]
A. idk never heard of it

Q. Did you believe in the Ouija board?
A. no lol

Q. Know someone who just has way too many freaking msn screen names?
A. yes

Q. Can you be trusted with a fragile object?
A. erm...i suppose

Q. Ever almost get run over by a car?
A. haha yes!

Q. Do your parents have home videos from when you were a baby?
A. yes

Q. Ever get poked in the eye?
A. yes

1. Do you sleep in your bra? wow this survey is sex specific, sometimes yes
2. What is your mood right now? content
3. Are you happy with your looks? sure
4. Do you enjoy drama? not particularly esp if i'm involved..hell no
5. Are you a girly girl? i have my moments..but normally no
6. Who was the last person you hugged? my peach
7. Small or large purses? none
9. Do you like someone? yes 
10. What would you do if someone smacked your butt? smack theirs back
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty? yes
13. Do you dress up on Halloween? yes
14. Are you double jointed? no
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? umm on the floor in a village hut..yep.
16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours? yes
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you? not that i know of


Has anyone told you they missed you lately?: yes
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing right now?: umm old navy 
What's your middle name?: don't have one

What's the last song you listened to?: iyaz replay
Where could I have found you last Saturday?: at my apartment
What brand of digital camera do you own?: nikon
Was yesterday better than today?: i think they were equally good
Do you think long distance relationships work out?: depends on the people and the relationship, but sure i think it can
Do you wear makeup everyday?: no
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?:no
What are you doing right now?: this
Who was the first person you talked to today?: kevin
Did you talk to anyone before you went to bed last night?: yes
Are you waiting for something?: no
Is there anyone that hates you right now?: i hope not!
How did you feel when you woke up today?: good :)
Are you the shortest of all your friends?: nope
What does your hair look like?: long, dark dark brown almost black, wavy
Do you care about what people think?: not usually
What would you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil Wayne?: geek out
Do you consider yourself spoiled?: well i feel fortunate for what i have, and i have a lot.
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?: no
Are you a jealous person?: i can be, but i'll rarely show it
What was the last thing you ate and where?: an apple, at my apartment
Do you take pills daily?: no
Wearing any bracelets?: not at the moment
What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?: sleeping
What's the last compliment you received?: "you so sexy"-nik
Who are you closest to in your family?: 2 of my cousins, shreeya and devika
Do you say sexy a lot?: i'm not sure, i suppose?
What color are your socks?: white
Are you a bad influence?: at times
Who last called you?: my dad
Do you answer the phones at your job?: no
What's your ring tone?: generic one
Last time you smiled because you got a text?: yesterday
Do you straighten your hair everyday?: no
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?:yes
Are you over 18 or under?: over
Your plans for this weekend?: go back to chicago
Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?: yes! 3 ppl i know do!
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: hopefully in medschool finishing up?
What time is it?: 12:42 holy cow!
Do you miss anyone?: sure i miss a lot of ppl

I take comfort in the fact that not a lot of people come across or read this stuff, because it's quite ridiculous to be honest. I have an overly active mind. I can be physically drained but mentally I am soo wired ALL the time, and this is why even when I plan on going to bed at 11pm I am awake until 2AM. 

Here's a revelation I came across today. With almost every single friend/person I have in my life, I am the chatty one. I kid you not I think there is something abnormal about this. Without fail, I will always have something to talk about, even if it means pulling some RANDOM ASS science fact or making a sexual joke. I realize why I do this, I thrive on social interaction. I LOVE meeting new people, making small talk with random people. Forget the obvious networking perks that come from meeting new people, it's more than that, I thrive on the idea of making mental connections with people, I love love love learning new things from people. If that means I have to do most of the question asking, most of the talking, conversation starting, I think it's a small price to pay. 

  xoxo

i think blog is a funny word

Don't you worry the title of my blog has nothing to do with my post, I just couldn't think of a title that was suitable.

This past week was hellish. Work sucked, but today I found out my rtpcr worked! So things are looking up, now to try and remember why I ran that rtpcr... So today at work I introduced myself to the japanese post doc, just because he helps me find a lot of the reagents in the lab and I realized, I didn't know his name, how rude of me. Well I introduced myself, little did I know we were going to have an all out discussion about life, politics, and etc..I am way to social for my own good. His accent was amazingly thick, but I think it's awesome how if you try really hard you can get used to a person's accent in a very short amount of time. It was a high pressure situation because he was asking me questions..so it was not a stand there and nod and smile scenario, I had to put a lot of effort in, but let me tell you, that guy is funny! :)

So this saturday, my friend and I did something that I should have done like years ago, well maybe actually like last semester (maybe not, my grades did turn out just fine last semester). Anyway, we decided we were going to stay in and study on saturday night, I went over to her place and her neighbors were playing bumpin' music, it was 9:30 and we both looked at each other like "what are we doing in second semester of our senior year on a saturday night?" Then my friend had a genius idea, she said let's study really hard until 11:30, *a solid 2 hours*, and then we will get ready and go out, with 2 hours of partying until bar time, best of both worlds. It was grand, I got some work done, then I showered and got ready, and had an awesome night! The only flaw in the plan, is the desire to play catchup with your friends who have been partying for 4 extra hours, results in a lot of shots taken, results in not being able to remember how I got home, or into bed. *oops* Ahh well we're in college and we're only young once right?

I think I am a very rational person, well at least it's in my nature to want to rationalize things. I realized a short while ago, some things in life, you can't rationalize, sometimes we behave irrationally, that is because we are human. With humans there is no black and white, we are complex, we do irrational things for complex reasons, sometimes it's best to not try to rationalize it. 

I really don't understand how pessimistic people can live with themselves, I mean I get it, keep your expectations low and then when something good happens you are very pleased. I agree we should keep our expectations low about certain things, like expectations from friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, and people we work with. It sounds horrible, but really it's just protecting yourself.  What I don't understand is why people keep their expectation from themselves low. That's stupid. If you don't hold high expectations for yourself, who will? That's self destructive people. I don't like surrounding myself with people who are always down on themselves, it's dumb, if you don't respect yourself, how can I? It may sound a bit bitchy, but it's true. I understand surges of negative emotion, with reason of course, but it's nothing to dwell on. Negative emotions are what you make of them, they can consume you if you let them, or not if you don't.  At some point you have to tell yourself, I'm being dumb, it's time to focus on more important things. This sounds like a self help paragraph, anyway I guess that's all I had to ramble about.

This was seriously a ramble, extremely scatterbrained. It's been in my system for a bit I suppose. Even though blog is a funny word, it is a relaxing thing to do. Now I must go to classes, yeah yeah yeah :) Thanks for reading

update

This will be just an update on my life, since I have like 10 mins before I go to bed might as well unwind by sipping some nighttime tea and writing in my blog that I've neglected for a bit now.

Classes are picking up pace now, well more like I'm slowly coming out of my denial that they have started. I made a schedule of my february, yeah it's going to be rough. Weeks are generally really busy, and most of the time I head to bed at 11 because I want to be alert for my labs at 7:45 since accuracy matters. Work sucks, nothing is working out the way it should be, or just working out period. I am nervous, and am probably going to up my hours in the lab...I'm sure my boss will be pleased. I like all of my classes though, even analytical chem I suppose. My to do list is exponentially growing, I need a bigger white board :\ Overall I am busy, and I like it, it's okay to be busy in a good way.

So yes that's it, it's a short post compared to others but it's almost 11 so i'm going to cut myself off..until next time...

Funny things about guys

So today at work I had issues opening a jar that contained the wash buffer I needed, so first thought, ask a guy in the lab, seeing as there are plenty. Well I found a guy and asked him to open it, he looked at me like I was a damsel in distress, with that smile on his face like yes I would love to show off my manliness, well he struggled. Then he tried to tap it with a metal thing and tried again, no luck...we had to use a wrench to open the jar finally but he did. At the end of all of his efforts, for which I'm extremely thankful, he says "phew thank god I got that open I was starting to feel like a wuss". This is when it occurred to me, no matter what the age (this man was in his 40's I believe), men want to prove their manliness. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, on the contrary, I find it HIGHLY amusing. It is so easy to be a chick, someone asks me for help to open something that's stuck, if I can't do it I have no problem saying, man that lid is shut tight, I can't do it. But that is not an option for men in their minds, they will do everything in their power to open that jar, bottle, etcetera because it's a chance for them to show off their MAN qualities.

Another interesting thing is guys and cosmopolitan magazine, and what an effect it has on them. Since I knew it was going to be a long day at work, I pulled out the magazine, because it's still break and I don't have shit to study. WELL...the boys were definitely interested in what I was reading, curiosity was peaked and they were peering and glancing over. It's interesting, guys do not buy cosmopolitan mag, I mean can't blame them the covers are usually pink, purple, or a girly blue, with SEX written in bold letters and the magazine talks to a woman audience, however this doesn't stop them from wanting to read it. Plenty of guys I have dated/guy friends, if given the opportunity will flip through a cosmo issue. Well, this could be put to good use ladies, maybe if you wanna give your man a hint, leave him alone near a cosmo and highlight, circle, or mark the pages/tips you want him to see LOL. I have always wondered, in the guys confessions section, what guys actually write those, are they real? I have my doubts...I got through almost the entire issue today, feb issue is quite good, very informative ;)

Well it's bedtime, until next time....

Cosmo article appeal

So I'm sitting here, after work doing one of my favorite things, I made tea (english breakfast tea with honey) reading cosmo, annndd listening to michael bublé. Work is going really well! I am making good progress on my project and I have a strong sense of independence now that my boss knows I can produce good results.

Anyway, that's a gist of what I'm up to, now to get to the meat of this post, so as I said I was reading cosmo, last months issue, because I'm a little behind, I came across this excellent article that I just HAVE to share! So the article is called 4 Gutsy Changes to Make in 2010...

1. Be Bad More Often

Now if you know me at all, you know why I like this one. "breaking rules is empowering" YES..YES it is...within a certain limit though of course. Live a little, and I think second semester senior year of college, before we are hurtled into our career paths or *transition right before* is the ideal time to do the damage that needs to be done :) Life is short, do what you want, live with no regrets.

2. Add to Your Crew

Ok this one is a no brainer, but building a social network almost always works in your favor. Plus who doesn't want new friends? Well actually there are some people who are completely happy with the friends they have and have no desire to meet new people, well they are missing out! New friends bring new things into your life, or just spending time with friends you don't spend time with often can too... Think about it, friends influence each other a lot, new friends bring new things to the table, plus if you're bored you have more people to hang out with ;)

3. Unleash Your Alter Ego in the Sack

Ummm YES. That one kind of speaks for itself...

4. Take time to think about NOTHING

Day dreaming is great, according to psychologists it increases creativity, makes sense and it is relaxing. I day dream quite a bit, while at work when I'm waiting in between steps, in class, when the professor is boring *so always during class*, on long car rides, etcetera. but think about it it is calming in the sense that it let's you get away for a while, however cosmo reccomends you do so for an hour, now that seems a bit extreme to me, I mean when do I actually have time to sit and day dream for an hour? I get bored of day dreaming that long. Before bed? maybe, but honestly when it's lights out time during the semester, I am knocked out in 5 minutes.

Cosmo makes some good suggestions about new years resolutions, I find myself mostly agreeing with these. I think the whole idea of new years resolutions is kind of funny but at the same time relaxing and very positive, it's also a time where you get to reevaluate things in your life. I think that's the most important aspect of it, you are forced to look at what you did and what you regret and are able to make a conscious effort to fix yourself, now how long that lasts is up to you isn't it? :) Well that's all, until next time...

chew on this

Purchasing gum...

I am a pretty decisive person normally, however when it comes to picking a pack of gum, I know I take longer than the average person to decide. There are a myriad of thoughts going through my mind as I look at the plethora of options. I always like sugar free, i mean why consume empty calories, so that's not the issue. The issue is committing to a brand, shape, and flavor. Primarily, flavor, am I in the mood for bubble gum, fruity, or minty? If it's fruity what type of fruity...citrusy, berries, etc? What's made it more complex is the fact that there are now so many options of fruits, trident even has fruity flavor within a fruity flavor!!! If I want minty, well how strong of a mint, what kind of mint *personally I like peppermint, but sometimes i go for spearmint, hardly ever wintergreen*, then what kind of texture do I want? Do I want a chicklet hard shell filled with soft gum? Or do I want something chewy right away? Do I want mint burst peices in my gum *i'm thinking ice breakers* or do I want just smooth chewing? What about company? Should I get orbit, five, wrigleys, trident, etc...? Momentarily I think "ooooo that box looks prettier". And finally after all this debate I have to ask myself, am I willing to chew this flavor until the pack is empty, I mean after all, I'm relying on it to keep me awake and help me focus in class, or to freshen my breath when necessary, I mean I need to be practical here. Finally I do make a decision, but the point I want to make is it is not a clear cut easy decision for me, my synapses fire vigorously during the decision making process. That's all for now. Until next time...

Ps, yay for a second post! ;)

two new highs

So the funny thing is, I created this blog last year (around this time) with the intention of writing once in a while, well I didn't post at all, typical. Well this year I'm doing better, I'm going to have at least one post, but hopefully more *fingers crossed*.

Winterbreak: much needed relaxation time. Absolutely no stress/studying.

So I have started to do yoga recently, and let me tell you, it is amazing. The amount of flexibility it requires is astonishing, but at the same time, you gain so much flexibility. I have also rekindled my love-hate relationship with running. Right now running and I love each other. Running outside is killing my lungs though, but our treadmill needs lube on the belt, so it's a lot easier to run outside than to run on a machine that skips whenever it wants making me feel like i'm going to die every couple seconds from panic, not to mention my palms get kind of sweaty so i can't count on traction from my palms on the handles to save me. I think what I like the best about running, is the control I can have, the speed at which I run, how long I run, how far I run. I love running to a nice soundtrack, if I have a good playlist, I can keep running forever *well as long as I have my inhaler on me*. It is also a time that enables me to clear my mind completely, and just focus on breathing and movement. There is the obvious endorphin high after a nice long run, and the shower that follows it is amazing :). I look forward to this part of my day, I like to go running at night, when it's relatively quiet out, or early in the morning, less interference that way, more continual flow. The best part of it though, is there is always a new goal to work towards everyday, and there is that inward want to push myself further and further everyday.

I think it's hard to think about your body and the attention it needs during school, well at least for me, because my focus is on studying or partying haha, but I think now that I'm going to stop dancing as often as I used to, it's important to pick up something that I can stick to, yoga and running are two good replacements no? Well that's it for now. I don't want to over do it on my first blog. Until next time...I'll try and write something a bit more interesting.. :P