The first hurdle comes early on in the relationship. At this stage of a relationship you are two things. Primarily an actor/actress, and anyone who denies this is kidding themselves. Pre-relationship and early on, you feel the need to impress the person you are with to some degree, so you turn down the crazy, and play it cool. There is also the giddy, gushy personality that pops out, you spend most of your time thinking about the person you are infatuated with (at this point it can only be called infatuation realistically) and feel the incessant need to talk about and spend time with him/her. Here you face a hurdle, you don't want to be that person that is always talking about their new love interest to the point wear your friends want to gouge their eyes out, at the same time everything seems to remind you of him/her. Moreover, the overwhelming desire to hangout with him/her leads you to become a flake. Your friends become displeased, but you feel they should understand and plead that you don't mean any harm. Well, for someone who has been in the situation, and been the displeased friend, it's a tough thing to justify. Time management skills are crucial at this stage.
As the relationship progresses, both of you start becoming more real, and the urge to spend every waking moment together fades away (the two events need not be related to one another). At this point you feel the need to start bringing the person in your life close to your other friends. This is crucial for the relationship, and sometimes it leads to readjustments in your friends circle. Just because you love your friends your boyfriend/girlfriend may not. This is a reality you are going to have to accept at times and work around. If your friend doesn't like your boyfriend or girlfriend at this stage, it is no reason to get defensive and tell your friend to fuck off. You have to think about the reason behind why your friend would think that and evaluate the situation. Your boyfriend/girlfriend and friends are not obligated to hangout with each other on a regular basis, so if it's an uncomfortable situation, it's best to save those awkward moments for events where people have to suck it up, like your birthday. It's important to realize that girls nights and boys nights are really important to maintain sanity in a relationship.
Further into a relationship, things start getting more serious (I'm talking post "i love you" phase) and you start to evaluate what you mean to each other. Throughout this process sometimes there are disagreements and arguments. Sometimes things that would not have seemed to be a big deal earlier on, become a big deal, also known as blowing things out of proportion. At this point, you go to your friends for advice. It is a good idea to think about who you go to for relationship advice before you start blabbing. It's not a good idea to go talk to a friend who is single, commitmentphobe, and opinionated sometimes without logic, about your issues. You have to go to a friend who is levelheaded and honest. Another thing, walking into a relationship with rules about what is acceptable and what is not is just setting yourself up for heartache. Regardless of whatever standards or rules you make, you break some at this point of the relationship. A friend that is honest with you, will most often tell you things you do not want to hear. Do not make this friend mortal enemy number one, but think about what they are saying. Yes at the end of the day you are the one in the relationship so you call the shots, remember your friends don't. Your friend's role is to be honest and accepting of what you chose to do, and to be there to support you without saying the three words we all hate to hear "I told you so".
Healthy relationships are amazing, they make you feel secure and you are able to focus your energy on things outside of your relationship. A bad relationship is like an herpes, you have an outbreak, you treat it, and it comes back over and over again. A bad relationship can damage you for a while, but no damage is permanent, time will heal as the cliche says. Everyone has different ways of moving on and moving forward. It is crucial to realize you carry baggage as you do, and sometimes the way you react to certain things are due to your baggage and not the new person. You also have to realize that the person you are hitting the refresh button with probably has baggage of their own. Life is funny, we go meandering about our business and in the process we look for companionship. Companionship is such a crucial part of our lives we go to hell and back at times to attain it.
Anywho these are all the thoughts that zoomed through my head as i was listening to fiest and showered tonight. It's bedtime, so until next time xoxo
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